Wednesday, January 12, 2011

HUMILITY IN RELATIONSHIPS

"All of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another,
because,"God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble." - 1 Peter 5:5b

I'll never forget the first time I discovered what a feeling was. It
was in my early forties. Surely not! .you may be thinking. Yes, it is true.
Since then, I have discovered many men still live in this condition. It
took an older mentor to help me understand the difference between
information and a feeling. Wives are frustrated because their husbands
share information, but not their feelings. They want to know what is
going on inside their man. The fact is, most men have not been taught
to identify feelings, much less how to share them. It is something that
men must learn to do because it is not a natural trait. If they do share
their feelings, society often portrays them as weak. No man willingly
wants to be portrayed as weak.
In order to become an effective friend and leader, one must learn to be
vulnerable with others and develop an ability to share feelings. It is
a vital step to becoming a real person with whom others can connect
emotionally. This is not easy to do if your parents did not teach you
to share your emotional life with others. Emotional vulnerability is
especially hard for men. Author Dr. Larry Crabb states,
Men who as boys felt neglected by their dads often remain distant from
their own children. The sins of fathers are passed on to children,
often through the dynamic of self-protection. It hurts to be neglected, and
it creates questions about our value to others. So to avoid feeling the
sting of further rejection, we refuse to give that part of ourselves we
fear might once again be received with indifference. When our approach
to life revolves around discipline, commitment, and knowledge [which
the Greek influence teaches us] but runs from feeling the hurt of unmet
longings that come from a lack of deeper relationships, then our
efforts to love will be marked more by required action than by liberating
passion. We will be known as reliable, but not involved. Honest friends
will report that they enjoy being with us, but have trouble feeling
close. Even our best friends (including spouses) will feel guarded
around us, a little tense and vaguely distant. It's not uncommon for
Christian leaders to have no real friends.
If this describes you, why not begin on a new journey of opening up
your life to others in a way that others can see who you really are? It
might be scary at first, but as you grow in this area, you will find new
freedom in your life. Then, others will more readily connect with you.

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