CHECK UNDER THE HOOD

"But now you must rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger,
rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips." -Colossians 3:8

"The root issue you are dealing with is fear. The physical symptom is
control, and when you cannot control, you get angry because of unmet
expectations." These were the words I spoke during a conversation in a
restaurant to my friend who was separated from his wife. He described
his anger and how he never saw some of these characteristics in his life
until he entered this marriage.
A friend once said to me, "Anger is like the lights on a dashboard. They
tell you something is going on under the hood. You must find out the
source of the problem." Whenever we have expectations of another person
and those expectations do not materialize, our tendency is to get angry.
The source of the anger is often the fear that the unmet expectation
will negatively impact us. We fear that our finances, our well-being,
our image, or any number of things may be impacted by the unmet
expectation. My friend's wife had not met his expectations in many areas
of his life, so then, many times it resulted in harsh words that damaged
his wife's self-esteem. Now, it was leading to a marriage crisis.
Jesus often spoke of living as though we were dead. How can you live as
though you are dead? "In the same way, count yourselves dead to sin but
alive to God in Christ Jesus" (Rom. 6:11). It is a choice each of us
must make. Once you become dead to that which stirs an emotion in you,
God is free to change that situation. Until then, you can expect God to
allow that situation to remain until you reckon yourself dead to the
effects of the issue that causes you to struggle.
Is there something that causes anger within you? Ask God what the source
of that anger is. You might be surprised at what you find. Then ask God
to give you the grace to reckon yourself dead to that issue. You will
find new freedom in your relationships and your own peace of mind.